DSHJ

Today we brought my brother to the seminary. this is the first time he has been away from us, i feel like we just threw him in a pond of sharks. there are many things i hope for him...

i hope people will be good to him

i hope he adjusts quickly

i hope he does not feel afraid

i hope he does not become angry inside

i hope he will always love us

i hope he will excel

i hope he will find many friends

i hope he will learn how to be sociable

i hope i wont miss him too much

i hope he wont lose anything

i hope he has fun

i hope he learns many things

i hope my mom will miss him

i hope i can visit him regularly

i hope he never feels alone

i hope he doesn't cry

i hope he nurtures his talents

i hope he will appreciate the small things

but above all of this, there is one thing that i hope will happen. something that happened to me when i attended that seminary (it accepted girls before). something that formed a big part of me...

I hope the he finds GOD. and in this, learn to look at everything in a new way, to take problems and look at them as opportunities to grow.. and to cease the moment for every step we take is a step closer to Him.

Closing Another Chapter

2010

this year ranks one of the worst years of my life..
a recap:

1. Count down to 2010 mom curses family.
2. Lost someone close
3. Fight with Raiza
4. Lost my first dog - Cloud
5. Ran away from home
6. Existential Vacuum
7. Lost love countless times
8. Drowned in debt
8. Unlucky Job
10. Misunderstanding with a teacher

this is just a few things that happened this horrible year...
but who said every story has to be perfect?

even fairy tales have their down parts

however, as i look back on 2010... i realized that this year i have learned the most.

letting go. acceptance. courage. wisdom. STRENGTH...

BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY:

L O V E

i loved and lost this year. i gave up and fought. and in the end... i got exactly what i wanted... HAPPINESS

2011... a new beginning to make up for our mistakes in 2010. a new start for my new love... and a beginning of a new chapter of my life. in April i will march out of adolescence and into adulthood....
2011... may this year be my year.^^

Love LOve Love LOve

My Big Book of Love



a compilation of 147 + letters, cards, drawings, poems, composed songs and stories, and gifts all within one whole year =)

here is a glimpse of some ^^

















this is one of the sweetest letters i got. lol
this is from Meynard
he gave this picture thingy to me (which was on very old paper) along with a letter saying that it was entrusted to him only intended to give to the girl he truly loves. well i do not know if that was true... haha... but hey! high school stuff ^^





this was a letter that really freaked me out. lol. it was written in blood, Philip's blood, when we broke up. guys think about the craziest things. lol











This butterfly was given to me, im not really sure who gave it to me... but i kept it... like i do with everything that people give me. it was kinda funny because at first i screamed and leaped away, i was terrified!LOL, then i found out it was a gift and got it. haha

Rafael's (aka airaa) drawings... these are my favorites. he has more than like 7 to 10 drawings in the book. he would draw me alot. he was my best friend. (airaa i know your reading this so stop the stupid smile.lol) and until now we still talk even though he is in Canada.

















This book never fails to make me smile and feel loved... i thank everyone who has a letter in this book, main contributors would be of course: Meynard, Kristian, Philip, and Rafael. and to those i didn't mention, you know who you are. =)

this book has become a big part of my life. i always read it when i'm feeling down and stuff, soooo

thanks for making me happy ^^

check out my other blog:
http://sugercoatedpassions.blogspot.com/



thanks=]

HIRED!

Today at approximately 4:00pm i was hired!

yay! first job.
<3

everyone has to start somewhere
PLUS
i will be graduating soon, this will train me to discover myself.
im sooooo happy ^^

Session English Academy October 25, 2010",)

Thank You Lord. mwuah!

Family Portrait

(moved from my other blog which i will delete)

In the so called "family" problems are always occurring, this is a fact that we cannot run away from. But what happens when hurdles are too high to jump and these are to blunt to digest?

No one can pinpoint the exact antecedent to a failing family, but almost always we are all aware of what the consequences are: a broken family. When secrets are revealed and hearts are broken the mind starts to play tricks on you. A person who was once an intellectual thinker gradually becomes an assumptive thinker and all hell breaks loose.

According to Abraham Maslow, the third essential need for human life is the need of love and belonging. People must feed this need through friendship, intimacy and the FAMILY. Parents give a special kind of love to their children, they give an unconditional love. This kind of love must be felt by the parents and parents alone for the love found in friendships and in intimate relationships fall under different categories of love. But in the case of a broken family, who is to render this specific love to the children if the parents come to the point where they forget their utmost duty to care for their own flesh and blood?

Parents have the responsibility of carrying the burdens of the family which they decide to raise. However, sadly, in some cases parents (despite how intelligent or professional they may be) let their ego get the best of them and forget that they are trying to raise children and, thus, the burden only gains. Children get pulled into the parents conflicts and miss out in their childhood. Instead of keeping the issue discreet and finding rational means to resolve the problem, they expose their children to the lies, to the betrayal, to their own pain. It is a shame in cases like this because children no longer get to feel the feeling of being a carefree child and they experience stress in an early stage of development. According to Sigmund Freud, childhood experiences have an essential role in our development as a person. It is most likely that children exposed to this kind of environment, especially those directly experiencing it, would grow up to be harsh and bitter. Children would have trust problems and therefore would never be able to establish normal relationships with others. There will always be a hindrance in social skills of the child and the fear that the curse of their parents would also happen to them.

It is improper when parents destroy one another to their own children. In this case children become confused and start to choose sides, which is also unfair on the part of the child. Parents forget to give praise to their children because they are too caught up on destroying each other thus, the child feels unloved. In worst cases parents no longer recognize their children and do not know what is going on with them, they do not even bother to ask how their children feel... and sadly, they start to hurt the children emotionally as well. When matters reach their worst point, children tend to farther themselves from the family and the broken family becomes a million piece jigsaw puzzle.

And now the underlying question: what should the children do when the parents are just not capable of saving the family themselves?

SY 2010 - 2011

Having begun the final year of my college life as an undergraduate is truly one of the most overwhelming experiences i have ever felt.
when i look back to my years as a freshman, sophomore, and junior i admit that i have made some mistake that i wish i haven't done and missed opportunities that i should have taken
but when i take into realization the big transition that i have gone through i can confidently say that i am proud of myself
even though people have brought me down and told me that i will never have made it this far, i know that i will prove them wrong.
my own mother even told me that i will have no future in psychology and that i will never be successful, but i know that at times mothers don't actually know what is best.
i made it this far without her visiting me at least once here in a place where i have been so terrified of, but now i love with a full heart.
and i am proud to say that i am doing more than fine.

Because of psychology i have been transformed from a obnoxious child into an intelligent and flourishing young adult.
i have realized the limitations of people and how to overcome it.
i now see the world in a different point of view
and i have learned to take negative experiences and use it as a springboard to better myself
...i have become who i am now...

to all who has pulled me down and never believed in me,
here i am, a senior of the department of psychology
about to begin the rest of her life
criticisms will always be a part of life, but i know well that when i march next year,
it would be a slap in the faces of those who criticize.

there is no better feeling in the world than that of self-actualization and love
thanks to all who have supported morally and have shown me love, you will always be a landmark in my life.

congratulations batch 2011, as we enter our final year, let us make the best of it and hope and pray that all of us would make it.

cheers!^^

GIVE ME A PLASTIC RING AND TELL ME YOU LOVE ME

i gave everything for a man i thought would be the one. i changed myself to be the kind of girl he always wanted me to be. i took him in and gave him shelter, food, and clothing. i loved him with all of my heart. wherever i was, he was... but i always let him choose if he wanted to bring me along with him. i paid for everything because i understood that he had no money. i took care of him for 3 years... not asking for anything in return, but just hoping for him to want to be with me forever.

my family accepted him with open arms. and he became one of us we even put him through school... but as for me, his family never exchanged a days worth of words with me. he roamed open in our house, while i was only allowed in his room at his house. but i accepted it.

i did everything for him to be contented. but for some reason, when i talk about future plans, he seems to go astray and ignore it. he let me do all the planning. when my sister asked "what kind of wedding will you guys have? im sure abie wants a reall big one with lots of flowers" he just said "i dont know, she would plan everything when that time came." and that totally broke my heart.

i kept on going because i thought maybe someday he would pop the question, but that day never came.

no efforts for future plans at all... then came the day when his auntie came home from the states and she told me to marry him. i was thrilled! all i have been waiting for was right there in my hands. but as i was on my way back home i realized that this wasnt right. he should have been the one to tell me, not her. he should have made the moment perfect, he should have given me the right to the one moment i was aspiring for for years of being with him...
so i left.

and when we broke up (because i realized i was wasting my time loving someone who will never reciprocate that love) he found someone else... and within a month they cooperatively made plans together... a stab in my heart.

but after all of this i learned "don't be mad because it ended. be happy because it happened"